Christopher Titus, a comedian, once said "Get down off your cross and use it to make a bridge". So this is my bridge. Plucking the splinters out, though, is going to take a lifetime (at least that's what the shrinks told me before they gave up on me as a 'hopeless' case - another story for another time).
I'm white, 6', thin, and batting 50, but am old for my age. Hell, I was old for my age at 10, even though I was a "late bloomer". I even remember a witchy woman telling me when I was VERY young that I had an "old soul" -- whatever that means.
We used to play a game when I was a kid which I think is part of the reason I remember things going waaayyy back until I was 2 and 3 years old. And my oldest memory is a dream.
In the dream I was a baby . . . laying in some bed (a bunkbed, I think, bottom rack) -- in a room with pale yellow light. The curtains were gold -- the ancient gold that they military used to issue to dependants to use. No lights in the room, the only illumination was from the window; sunlight filtering in, filling that room with that yellow light that I remember.
Now this was only a dream -- or at least I think it was a dream, for I remember being partially awake at the time . . . too young to crawl, or too tired to. Then something happened. At least I think it did. I'm not sure. (Its a dream, remember? Remember? I do...)
And something picked me up and held me before that window, in the golden light. And in that dream something was reassuring me, saying "You'll be taken care of . . . protected . . . I love you." And yet I don't remember any hands, anyone in particular being there, not even my brother (who I hate so dearly.)
And the last thing that voice said before setting me gently back down on the bed again was this: "Live life. Live all the possiblities. Go out and do things; experience things -- experience it all."
And that was when I was a little baby.
In short, the voice was telling me to go and have an interesting life; that it would watch out over me through it. So I did (and am still trying to.)
Did you know that an ancient Chinese CURSE reads "May you have an interesting life?"
I wonder sometimes if that voice cursed me . . . or if indeed it was the blessing I thought (and still feel) it was meant to be.
You be the judge.
I'm going to tell you about my life. Every story I post here on Tokoni is true; for me that's what Tokoni is for. (Fiction goes on fictionpress.com). As Tokoni's byline so subtly suggests: "life if full of stories. tell yours." A suggestion which nagged at me for months before I joined; now I am here. Telling my stories, building that bridge.
From me to you.
