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Sometimes, I feel like everywhere I go I'm the stepchild. I'm not anyone's real kid, but the cast-off, the leftover, the "baggage." I read in Newsweek a few weeks ago that only ten percent of divorces actually involve children. Crazily enough, I'm in the minority.
But I guess it's not too crazy, if you think about it. Most of my friends can't empathize with me, instead, I'm the comfort when their parents are fighting. Sometimes, I want to be the one to say "oh, well, my parents haven't talked to each other in two years."
This Thanksgiving made me feel more like a step child than I've ever felt before. I kept searching for "the real parent" and yet, when I looked into my Dad's eyes, I felt lesser than the other kids. This is weird, because I don't want to feel jealousy towards three kids under ten. Moreover, I want to convince myself that this is just jealousy on my part. I'm moody. It's just college stress that's making me paranoid.
But whatever I did, in the six short days I spent in Michigan, I couldn't help but feel like the stepchild. It's hard to define exactly what a stepchild is. It's not like Lifetime movies, where the stepparent is some sort of secret evil, or like in "Stepmom" that one Julia Roberts movie where the two Moms make peace with each other. In truth, both parties make fun of each other, when they've only met briefly. Stepparents can be great people. They can pay for your school. They can make you feel at home. Sometimes, and understandably so, they're looking out for their own kids.
For three months last year, my mom spent the week in Chicago, and weekends home, in Arizona, for her work. This left my stepdad and I home together, where we would engage in three word discussions and awkwardly go about our own activities.
Here's what I've discovered about stepparents: I love them. But whatever I do, and whatever they do, we can never love each other like the real thing. There's too many other important things going on in each other's life.
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12/02/08 07:59am PST arlijohn
Take advice from Texas. As a stepmother and the mother of a stepchild, I understand your discomfort at times. On the otherhand you have a chance to make some friendships here if you make the effort, or at the very least you might come to understand your step-parents and become closer. Good luck! -
12/02/08 02:42am PST westtexas8
We are also that unique institution- the American blended family. As a step Mom I am grateful that I have a relationship with my (step)son. It was really hard work. His parents still do not speak. Our relationship evolved simply because as a seasoned woman I did not try to be his Mother and I would bite my tongue off before I said one unkind thing about his Mom. My children have different feelings about my husband. Both love him, but only one really considers him a "Father figure". Divorce is so very hard. Sometimes, the love that comes with friendship is the best that can be. The younger the children the easier instant family seems to be. Good luck and God Bless. It is so hard when the children have to figure out so much so young.


Stumble It!
I can relate to your feelings so much lilwrite. My father remarried and he married a omwan who had never been married before. They married when I was 13 years old. I was an only child before that. When my dad and her had kids, I was immediately an outcast. I was no longer "part of their little family". My stepmother wanted to pretend that my dad had NO life before starting one with her which meant I basically didn't exist... Dad died in 94 and surprisingly, she wanted me involved in her life and her 3 and 5 year old's lives.... He was my father for 18 years and her husband for 6. I hold so much resentment towards Rosa for depriving me of the last few years of his life. Ironically she doesn't understand why I want NOTHING to do with her or her kids... It takes a special woman or man to be a stepparent. I had a stepfather too and he too was an a$$hole and treated me horribly. What should have been a happy extended family never was for me. obviously arlijohn is a fantastic person... the phrase "no one loves YOUR kids as much a you" rings true when I think of stepparents... Be confident in who you are without their accolades.