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Don't Cry For Me...
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juliasmom
07/02/09 14:46:02 PDT
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Jenny, Jenny, Jenny. Your most recent statement to the press has me in a tizzy. I shouldn't care, but I do. I can't stand to see intelligent women "acting the fool," as my mother in law used to say. Let me spell this out for you as clearly as I can.
1. Your husband says he has found his "soulmate" and it isn't you.
2. Your husband says he is going to "try to fall back in love with you."
That pretty much covers it. Why oh why would an intelligent (I keep assuming that you are) woman stay??? You say that you are willing to forgive him and that forgiveness enables you the freedom to move on in your life. Yes, that's right, to MOVE ON, as in KEEP GOING! New chapter for everyone!
I know that you have four boys to raise. But how does it look to have a mother who is willing to take the crumbs from whatever is left over from a Dad longing for Argentina in his heart? If they were daughters, I don't think you would want to model this behavior. But sons too need to be taught that love matters, that a woman has the right to be loved completely, and not as the 2nd choice. Here she is, folks, Mrs. North Carolina, our lovely runner up. The winner, of course, being Ms. Argentina. And trust me, I don't think she has won anything. I think your husband is kind of a dork. Aside from acting like a pompous, long-winded, ridiculous, Appalachian Trail hiking LIAR, he is a bit of a dork.
I know this is really none of my business, but for some reason you both keep making statements and so it becomes our business. And since you've let me in on your personal life, I feel OK about letting you know how I feel. I think you've been listening to the wrong advice. Because anyone who thinks that it is in your (or your sons) best interest to stay in this one sided marriage is meshuga. You say his affair is "inexcusable." Being a doormat is inexcusable.
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07/02/09 18:36pm PDT RebelMom
When I was going through my divorce, I had to talk to my ex's probation officer. He said that it's a good thing that I didn't have kids with my ex because surely they would behave just like their dad because their dad would have taught them by his actions that what he's doing is ok. I think if this woman leaves, she will show her sons that it is NOT acceptable for men to treat their wives/loved ones like this. She will show her sons what it means to be a strong woman in such a media-hungry society as today's is. She will show her sons what it means to be a woman of her word ... and that she will never personally put up with any BS. All she is doing right now is enabling her husband to be the weakingly he is. I plan to teach my sons that it's NOT ok to cheat on their wives, to abuse them both physcially or mentally, or anything like that. I hate it when people play games ... I really do. And MF said it really well too. :o) -
07/02/09 18:25pm PDT none
"The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities"--Sophocles. If I were in Mrs Sanford's situation, what I would be worried about, especially as far as my children are concerned, would be their perception of my complicity in their dad's cowardly behavior. There's a way in which husbands & wives hold each other hostages--they hold the other responsible for their own actions & it's done in very insidious ways & I think that's what is absolutely awful for the children. I was joking about the packing of his bags & calling the media earlier but that's honestly what I would do (maybe not the media lol) because I would want t everybody including myself to be crystal clear about who screwed up. His way of involving her almost makes her a sort of partner in crime & she is sort of taking it on as if she had anything to do it. You could psychobabble this & talk about "blurred boundaries" but I feel that to model healthy coping for the children involves saying things like "I am responsible for this" or "I am not responsible for that." His failures are not my failures, I have my own thank you very much. This involving others in our misdeeds is just a sad way to delay feeling "the keenest sorrow." Unfortunately, it's the children who end up with it. -
07/02/09 16:37pm PDT stjulienlepauvre
It's not easy to choose being a single parent--maybe more so, the parent of boys, not that this guy deserves any children, but no matter what she does, she'll be afraid the boys will treat women the same way their father does. Hell, I guess she's been raising five boys. -
07/02/09 16:28pm PDT RebelMom
Can you imagine what kind of disease he might have? I am going to assume that this Argentina is not the first mistress either ... frankly, I am tired of long-suffering wives, probably because I didn't put up with it myself. -
07/02/09 16:05pm PDT boomer
I think your intuition is excellent, JM. I have noticed that a lot of conservative Christians neglect the passage, "Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord," and think they can actually use God to extract their own pound of flesh. Perverted.
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Some of them are already teeangers? Not so easy; I think there's something complex where half of all boys side w/abuser (and affairs are emotional abuse). My son was impressive to so many people, all of my relatives, then, his marriage was in trouble & he started to sound like his father three years ago (when he was 42)--saying I would go to hell, etc. & why would I leave such a great guy. He was 8 when I divorced his father.