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If you aren't old enough to remember Billy Crystal's words – that's okay. But it's wise advice try to follow. “Don't worry – be happy.” And while I don't subscribe to the rest of that particular comedy act (“It's much better to LOOK good than to FEEL good – daahhling!”), that first part of his particular character's words became a cultural icon which persists to this day.

“Don't worry – be happy,” applies to the rest of my life, or at least I apply it whenever I get upset, angry, or anything BUT happy – because in my life I've learned:

Here today – gone tomorrow applies to so many of the things we worry about.

As one person said, “I spent my life worrying about so many things that never came true.”

And personally, I've never seen worry change a gosh-darn thing. It either IS – or it isn't – and all the worry in the world never changes that. So much of what we worry about or get upset about . . . that worry or upset doesn't change the thing that made us worry or get upset.

One of my favorite things to tell people is: “Just because you are upset doesn't mean I have to get upset.” Note that doesn't mean I might not CARE – but you can care without getting all emotionally wound up and involved in the thing. If you don't believe this, just look at yourself when you are calmly loving something you care about. Would getting upset – expressing upset – change that love? I think not. I know it doesn't for me. That love is always there, ready and waiting – and the worry and anger and upset in the world won't change that. So I do my best not to become upset, angry, or worried. Of course I'm not perfect at it. After all, I'm only human, and (unfortunately sometimes) – I give in to those negative types of emotion.

I wrote the following and gave it to my daughter not very long ago. (She has some anger management issues – takes too much after my mother – and there's a weird story behind that I'll delve into sometime – but you might want to read it, too.

Happiness. That's what it's all about.

Most folks don't realize that everything they do or say is related to trying to find it. That right below basic survival (food & shelter & avoiding physical harm) - it's the pursuit of happiness that drives all human action.

And they go about it in so many ways; often chasing illusions and things, sometimes burying that motive under another motive, which is then in turn buried under another motive, and so on.

Money, for instance. Most people think it'll make them happy. But happiness isn't about money. "Okay," they say, "it's about being able to buy the things that will make you happy."

Guess what. Happiness doesn't come from "things".

"Okay," they say, "Fame. Being famous will make me famous will make me happy."

Nope. Sorry again. If you think "fame" will buy you "love", think again. It won't. And fame is as fleeting as a memory: here today, forgotten tomorrow.

"Oh! Okay! I get it! I know what will make me happy! Love!"

Whoops. Sorry again. Love is a fickle beast, love comes and goes for most (not me; I always hang onto my loves -- even from way back.) Having someone love you -- or you loving someone -- won't make you happy. Especially if that love (either yours or theirs) has some kind of condition riding on it. (Personally? I don't love 'conditionally'. I either love ya -- and will always love you no matter what -- no 'conditions' attached -- or I don't.)

So, we've ruled out money, fame, and love -- the most common things people pursue to find 'happiness'.

"What about 'control'?" you ask. "Controlling other's behaviors?" Control is why many people pursue love, money, or fame, BTW. And you can never completely control another human being. You can't "make" them think or believe something, though you may be able to control their actions. And deeply you will always know that -- so 'control' won't make you happy. Plus 'control' is a slippery thing -- it's easy to lose your grip. And knowing that, you'll always be worried, always be unhappy.

"So," you ask (somewhat disgusted and frustrated), "then, Mr. Smartypants -- what IS the nature of happiness?"

I'll tell ya. It's your perceptions of how you see things, ability to accept what does not affect you, and knowledge of what you can not change -- and accepting that, too.

- Happiness is knowing you can't 'control' the behaviors of someone you love -- and to NOT expect someone to love YOU just because you love THEM.

- Happiness is knowing that "things" don't change your perceptions: you do.

- Happiness is looking for the brightest things in the darkest times; and when you can't find that light, accepting the darkest times as just another experience in your life.

- Happiness is seeing your roof get blown away, and thinking: I needed to get a new roof.

- Happiness is having your car wrecked, and saying "Now public transportation should be interesting!" -- plus looking at all the exercise you'll be getting.

- Happiness is learning that little things aren't worth the trouble and emotional expense of getting mad.

After all, you can't be happy if you're mad.

- Happiness is knowing that by allowing others to be themselves without persecution or trying to change them, you are allowing them to be happy.

- Happiness is knowing just because YOU are upset and angry doesn't mean I have to be upset and angry. After all - YOUR anger and upset are the result of YOUR perceptions, not mine.

- Happiness is knowing 99.9% of unhappiness revolves around trivial things. Things that are here today, and gone tomorrow.

- Happiness is knowing that if not today, then tomorrow. That things will pass.

Now I want you to note what words are reoccurring above. "Looking" and "Knowing". You might as well say "Understanding" and "realizing". And those are perceptions. How YOU percieve something. Not 'what you have', not 'what they did', but YOU and your perception of it.

I always have to laugh when someone says "This or that or him or her made me SO mad!"

They didn't make you mad. You did. You chose to get mad over it due to YOUR perception of the event, thing, action.

People sometimes get mad that I don't get mad at what they are mad at. I can't help but laugh.

This isn't to say I don't get mad. I can have one hell of a temper. But I've learned: when I get mad, it's not the outside world doing it -- it's me making my ownself be mad.

People are people; they break promises, their word, they 'do' things. You can't control it, not to mention: you are people, too.

When you recognize others as being human, with human failings -- and recognize yourself as being human, too -- it makes what they do a lot easier to accept.

Your perceptions. That's the key to happiness. Remember that, if you remember nothing else here.